The Bench Jockeys

March 11, 2015 – Opening Day for NFL’s Free Agency period has already raised a few questions.  The day was more about trades than FA pick-ups.  Therefore its seems like a perfect time to launch my new addition to The Bench Jockeys called, Ma Nishtana.

Q1  – Why, Father, why is this trade worse than all other trades?

One this night (or some night recently), the Jets acquired Brandon Marshall to bolster its passing game without an NFL QB. Talk about a waste of resources.  That’s like putting a Porsche engine in your Dodge Dart.  Marshall became frustrated with Cutler slinging the ball all over the field in Chicago.  Can you imagine Marshall on a fly pattern looking back to see Geno try and side-arm the rock out to Chris Ivory on 70% of his routes?  Marshall (who is also an NFL Network commentator) will certainly be able to cover a game and play in it at the same time.  64 Catches/709 yards….

Q2 – Why is the Jimmy Graham trade worse than the previous trade?

One this night, the second best team in football acquired the league’s second best tight end in Jimmy Graham.  Something is very wrong when a team is allowed to trade one of the best offensive players in the game for back-end draft picks.  The NFL cap is forcing teams to make idiotic trades and drop fan favorites; it is both ugly and insulting to the fan base.  At least Pete Carroll will have a reasonable excuse to throw it from the 1 yard line next year.

Q3 – Why is the deflate-gate investigation worse than all other cheating investigations?   

Does one get the feeling the NFL is holding the release of any written report on the deflated footballs until a time that nobody cares.  I fully expected an indecisive report to surface with 8 minutes left on the clock before Tampa’s first pick.  The report will only be leaked prior to that time if the NFL has anything on the Patriots other than a ball boy relieving air from 11 footballs in under 90 seconds instead of his bladder.

Q4 – Why on this night are you allowed to tamper but on all other nights you cannot?  

Because, my child, on this night, it’s called legal tampering.  Is this the tamperer’s reward for finding the afikomen?  Has this particular NFL period existed before?  Apparently, now you can talk to a free agent but you can’t make any monetary overtures.  What exactly did Dolphins owner Steven Ross and Ndamukong Suh talk about?  Unless you were living under a rock, you certainly knew the Dolphins were going to throw an obscene amount of money at Suh… Glad that the entire NFL universe was able to work out the particulars of the deal prior to the end of the legal tampering period, because if they followed the NFL’s rules, Ross and Suh were likely discussing the Real Housewives of Miami…356 pounds of girth changes hands and teams – clearly against the rules – without any backlash, but 1 pound of air leaves a football on a cold night and it makes international news… Roger’s Salary should be lowered to $30 Million tops next year.

The Bench Jockeys are giving Spounder his own continuing feature which will be found under the category, Ma Nishtana.  “Why Bench Jockeys, why?  Why is the content in Ma Nishtana different from all other categories?” you ask.  Because the analysis found in Ma Nishtana seeks to ask and answer questions much like Di Fir Kashes (The Four Questions) from the celebration of Passover.  The Q&A format will be easy to understand for even the simple-minded son.

Interestingly, the term “Ma Nishtana” has taken on a new meaning as well – which also suits the snark scale at The Bench Jockeys.  According to the urban dictionary, “Ma Nishtana” now also connotes the “utter lack of surprise” to some bit of news.  For example, Dan Synder overpaid another aging retread in free agency. Ma Nishtana.  Or ESPN is reporting something about Tiger. Ma Nishtana.  Or the over-under on the NBA All-star game is 280. Ma Nishtana.  Get it?

So when the mood hits him, Spound will drop some righteous Ma Nishtana.  Enjoy this new featurette which we hope will heighten your reading pleasure.

– The Bench Jockeys